Lawn Boy

Any of you live near "that neighbor"?  You know, the one whose lawn doesn't quite cut the snuff...or the grass....in comparison to yours?  While you mow your lawn every four days on the dot, "that neighbor" gets "that lawn" looking good in time for the holidays - Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Labor Day.  You impeccably remove every last weed, including dropped seeds.  "That neighbor" takes pride in the 87 weed species calling "that lawn" home.  You diligently move the sprinklers to keep every square inch of grass emerald green all summer long.  "That neighbor's" sprinkler system only ever comes on when the line at the bathroom gets too long.  So do you?  Know of "that neighbor"?  You do?  Well then......Hi Neighbor!  For I am he.

Tonight I mowed my lawn for the first time this spring.  In the process I also mulched last fall's leaves that never got raked.  I take great pride in not giving even the slightest rip what my lawn looks like.  I have one hard and fast rule about when my grass gets cut:  if I don't feel like cutting it, it don't get cut.  I keep my gardens and flowers and landscaping looking respectable; my grass pretty much controls its own destiny.

I like mowing lawn.  Always have.  Before I became "that neighbor" I used to be one of "those neighbors", the kind I described above.  I cut the grass often, made criss-cross designs, fertilized (in a socially acceptable way), controlled weeds, reseeded bare spots.  I poured a ton of time into maintaining a lawn that measured up with the best on the block.  And then I woke up.

It wasn't just time being poured into the lawn, but chemicals.  I was polluting the air with exhaust and noise.  I was burning through gasoline like crazy.  And the investment of time started to add up.  And for what?  Grass??!?  You know, people, obsessing about keeping the grass cut short puts us on a pretty even plane with cows.  Only we use machines and avoid pooping all over.  Usually.

Aside from the colossal waste that is mowing the lawn, there's one other undeniable fact that makes lawn manicures utterly ridiculous.  I'm not sure this is original thinking on my part, bbuuuuttttt......the grass.  grows.  back.  Every time.  In fact, the more care you give it, the faster your grass will grow!  And you'll mow it more!  Ever stop to calculate how much cheaper our gasoline prices would be if you all mowed your lawns even half as much as you do now?  Well have you???  Or how much quieter your neighborhoods would be on what should be peaceful summertime evenings?  I'm talking to you, neighbor two houses down who is mowing right now!  Again!!!

I can only shake my head at "those neighbors" who are out mowing more than once a month, for I wonder two things:  1) Where do they find the time for such silliness?, and 2)  What void in their soul is that beautiful lawn compensating for?  And exactly what defines a beautiful lawn?  I happen to like tall grass.  The kind that's littered with wildflowers.  Grass that dances in the breeze with butterflies as partners in nature's waltz.  Grass that, if left undisturbed and uncut, begins to fill with trees and bushes.  Grass that reseeds itself and feeds birds naturally.  "Those neighbors" can have their golf course grass - I'll take my wild weed patch any day.

So, neighbor, feel free to drive by sometime and take a look at what a natural lawn looks like.  You probably won't see me, nor I you, because of, well, the grass.