Letter of Recommendation

I recently wrote recommendation letters for two different colleagues.  Looking back at the nearly 20 years I have spent in education I thought of the now countless letters I have written to recommend people for new jobs or college acceptance or promotions.  While each person requesting these letters was truly unique, the letters themselves generally were not.  Writing for unique individuals will naturally lead to unique letters, but if the adjectives and anecdotes written for each person were stripped away the remaining text and format would be nearly identical from letter to letter.  Reading some recommendations written for me and some examples of recommendation letters online confirmed my suspicion:  only one of these letters exists - we just keep changing the names and descriptions.

The "a-ha" moment that followed led to this blog.  I have created a pre-written letter of recommendation that will cover the gamut of co-worker personalities you may be required to write letters for.  Written in multiple choice format, this letter follows the formula of the original recommendation letter we all keep rewriting every time we have to "sell" a fellow worker to a prospective employer.  Before I say anything else, let me be clear about this:  I have never had to falsify any descriptions of co-workers in the letters I have written, nor have I ever been asked to write a letter by anyone who was not worthy of my recommendation.  Every letter I have ever written has written itself in a positive way, which is a nice reminder that I have worked with some truly fantastic people. However, there are co-workers who may be a bit challenging when it comes to accentuating the positive.  Thus, my prewritten letter provides the flexibility to be totally honest or totally false on the spectrum of co-worker quality.  I hope you find it useful.

To Whom It May Concern:

I have been (begged / chosen / bribed) to recommend Co-Worker X for the job opening you are currently advertising.  It is with great (honor / embarrassment / relief) that I endorse my co-worker for this career opportunity.

My co-worker and I have (worked / embezzled / wilted) together for (____years / an eternity / several days).  During this time I have found (her / him / it) to be an (impressive / alarming / enigmatic) example of what it takes to succeed at this job.  While some employees simply arrive at work to put in their time, my co-worker rolls in nearly every day (ready to achieve / almost on time / sober).  In addition, working closely with this person has proven to me that (effort is everything / a lack of personal hygiene really is noticeable / I’m actually the second-worst employee on payroll).

One of the most powerful qualities my co-worker possesses is the ability to (communicate / straight-faced lie / make threats) to others.  This talent has made a tremendous impact on our staff, eliminating the need for external (therapy / thuggery / theology).  In addition, this person has found ways to (modernize / sabotage / completely ignore) the day-to-day routines our workplace thrives on.  I am confident the (ingenuity / apathy / arrogance) exuding from this person will infect your workplace as thoroughly as it has ours.

Prior to my co-worker’s arrival our staff was very (complacent / happy / spineless).  Those days are over, what with the (leadership / social awkwardness / foul language) my co-worker has consistently displayed.  We now find ways to (encourage / betray / frame) each other and never miss an opportunity to (socialize / protest / poach wild game) together – a direct result of my co-worker’s influence.  Upon hiring this person I truly believe you will see an immediate spike in (staff productivity / online gambling / absenteeism).

More important than the job skills are the human skills my co-worker (possesses / fakes / has been missing since birth).  Whereas some folks simply talk-the-talk, my co-worker (walks-the-walk / face-plants often / doesn’t even bother with the talk).  Whether it is (helping / harming / harassing) others, (sprucing up / stealing from / vandalizing) the workplace, or simply finding ways to keep the world (safe / less populated / at bay), my co-worker’s intentions are rarely hard to decipher.  If more people lived life in the manner of my co-worker our society would be (harmonious / confused / doomed).

I cannot think of a more deserving person for your current opening.  Please do (yourself / me / my staff) a favor and hire this person.  I guarantee you will (never / immediately / constantly) regret it.

Sincerely / Thankfully / For the cryin' out loud get this person off our hands,

Mr. Co-Worker Y

Let me know what you think.  Are there character traits I have missed?  Adjectives that would work better?  I see this as my contribution to the quest for efficiency in the workplace so any suggestions on improvement would be appreciated.  I also see this as the first of many pre-written documents...but the last freebie.

Thanks for reading.