Tonight was the highly anticipated first volleyball game of the 2017 season. It seems odd to say "first game"; I've been going to volleyball tournaments or summer league games almost weekly since January. But all the tourneys and league nights were offseason play - tonight was the real deal.
Daughter 2 plays on the Junior Varsity team, Daughter 1 on the Varsity. Daughter 2 played pretty well and helped her team win all three of the sets in their game. Daughter 1 had a tough night and watched her hopes for a strong start to the season get demolished by the competition. The thrill of watching Daughter 2 succeed in her JV debut was equalled in sorrow at watching Daughter 1 struggle to remain composed in the midst of a complete systems failure.
I used to care about the scores, the wins, and the losses. I used to complain about the reffing. I used to spread too much blame and not give enough credit. There was a time, not so long ago, that I would still be fuming about the ugliness I saw on the court tonight. I would have let the disappointment of the varsity game completely wipe away the great things I saw in the JV game. I was the parent who saw the game as being more about me than the people who were actually playing it. I've begun to make a change, intent on leaving that parent in the past.
I follow "Changing The Game Project" on Twitter, an organization devoted to changing the culture of youth sports. A month or so ago they posted this link to their blog:
http://changingthegameproject.com/i-love-watching-you-play/
I love watching you play. Five simple words that have had a complex effect on the way I view my daughters' athletic pursuits. I'm not stewing, I haven't complained, and there's no blame going any direction. Do I wish our varsity would have played better? Absolutely. Am I mad at the team or my daughter for their poor showing? Not at all. Well, maybe a little bit. My response to tonight is my choice, and I'm choosing to remember the on-target passes and the spikes that went in. I'm proud of Daughter 2 for overcoming nerves to play well, and I'm proud of Daughter 1 for turning herself into a full-rotation player this season. The action on the floor belonged to them - the joys and sorrows that action brings also belong to them. I will no longer be selfish by pretending the game has anything to do with me.
When match point was whistled and the varsity beat-down was complete I stayed in my seat, wanting to leave but hoping a child would need her dad. She did. She made her way across the gym floor and up into the bleachers, dropping to the seat beside me with the weight of a poor performance driving her almost constant smile far from sight. I haven't produced many great parenting moments but I think I topped them all when I put my arm around her shoulders and simply said "I love watching you play. Not the start we hoped for, but I love watching you play." She nodded, gathered herself, and made her way to the locker room for what was sure to be a painful team meeting.
I've sat through plenty of games and I've got plenty more ahead of me. There will be fun wins and disappointing losses. At times it will seem as though the games will never end, but inevitably they will. Before that end comes, on the good nights and the bad, I'm going to enjoy the heck out of every contest...because I really do love watching them play.
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